So what is NARCISSISM really?  Read this below and identify whom do you know who is one.


It is selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.


It is self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

To even begin with, WHY we should know and learn about this kind personality? HOW THIS WILL AFFECT OUR LIVES IF WE ARE NOT AWARE OF THIS? And the important question of all is, are they deadly?

I remember someone close to me told me, Hey… you should not be wearing fake fancy jewelries, others might think you are rich. And me like, “what??? I’m wearing what I want for fashion and to feel good about myself, not to impress anyone. The point is this “someone” who told me “what-nots” is just trying to put my feelings down just to satisfy herself for her to be the only one will look good. That is what narcissist do to us. They are correct and you are wrong.  Have you experienced feeling so drained when that someone in your life is is with you all the time? You might think why are you feeling that way when you look at them as kind, gentle and fun-loving. So let me tell you some effects of having around you all the time.

A narcissist would say "I am doing this for you because I love you"... but in reality it's for their own self interest.
  • They make you less important and less valuable at home.
  • They will leave you feel insignificant when in crowd.
  •  You feel emotionally drained whenever you are around with them and sometimes you don’t know why.
  •  You become unconsciously angry at them but feel like you cannot live without them.
  •  For that question if they are deadly? Yes, they are! You will become depressed if you are not aware of what they are doing to you and we know that depression kills due to suicide.
  • If you are one of the luckiest child of a narcissist, you become rebellious.
  • You always feel like you are the villain and cannot do anything right.
  • You isolate yourself because of that “unwanted” feeling they instill you.
  • As to physical effects, you might feel fatigues, muscle pains, appetite changes, upset stomach, headaches and insomnia.

According to Dr. Jean Kim of Culture Shrink, there are 3 types of Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

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1. Grandiose “Overt” Type

This type is considered to have the highest severity of poor interpersonal and psychosocial functioning, and higher comorbidity with other psychiatric disorders (including other personality disorders and substance abuse). They may present with more anger and hostility than the other types. Despite more illness severity, people with this type of NPD are less likely to present for help and engage in treatment. In some severe cases, individuals with this presentation may encompass the “malignant narcissist” subtype.


2. Fragile/Vulnerable “Covert” Type

This type is considered to possibly present more often for mental health treatment, with higher comorbidity with depressive and anxiety disorders. These individuals have more issues with vulnerability to criticism, and fluctuation between high and low self-esteem. NPD may actually be missed as a core source of their symptomatology, as they do not necessarily present with the overt grandiosity and lack of empathy as some with the disorder. But they still may have underlying traits of covert expectations of superiority or recognition and remain preoccupied mainly with their own sensitivity and perceived failures.


3. High-Functioning “Exhibitionist” Type

This type is less likely to have psychiatric comorbidity and may not necessarily meet the functional impairment criterion for NPD, except during periodic crises or unexpected failures (such as losing a job or undergoing a divorce). They appear to be outwardly successful and generally maintain their ego stability, but they still maintain an essential NPD personality structure; issues with entitlement and self-centeredness may lead to interpersonal issues and exploitative, unempathetic behaviors.

Oftentimes, no one will notice that what they are doing is an abuse because it is masked with kindness, fun and even loving.  With you feeling exhausted, you are the only one who knows that something is wrong with your narcissistic friend or family member.  You often asking that validity from others but people around won’t identify it as an abuse and might say that you have just misunderstood them or that maybe you lack of good communication or even worse they will just advice you to pray for that narcissistic person in your life.  This is because this kind of personality in our country, the fun-loving Philippines, does not recognize this a real problem but just as a family or personal problem that doesn’t need experts’ help.  In order for us to identify their behavior to let us identify who are these toxic people, here are some signs of their acts and dramas:

  • They are very manipulative. Some of these words they say is “I love you, you can’t live without me because I am the only one you need.” ; “I am your parent, you should obey me or you will lose your good values” ; “I am only doing this for your own good” and more of these words that will left you feel like you can’t do something right if you will lose them.
  • They will spoil you with what you want! Money? Attention, care? it will be all yours as long as they are the only one you believe in.
  • If they have offended you, their sorry is not really sorry but just to make you calm but never have the intentions of being sincere and next week they will do it again.  Worse, they never say sorry.
  • They will say something is your fault even if it’s not, they will lecture you with irrelevant to your character that you tend to get angry at them.  And when it happen, they will say like “why are you being hysterical? I am only saying this because I care”.  Some will cry and will make you feel guilty.  You are the one being offended but you will be the one being sorry.  And take note, they have the calm and gentle voices and you are the one has the agitated and angry voice.  In short, they are good at gaslighting.
  • They manipulate others thinking that you are no good, that you are less of value, always does the wrong things so that others will think that he/she is the one who is being good to you and not the other way around.
  • They think highly of themselves that nothing of what you say to them is correct whatever approach you apply to them.
  • What’s ridiculous about them is they risk to look pitiful just to gain people’s sympathy.
  • To them, you will be always be the self-centered partner, child or friend, the hysterical, too sensitive and crazy one.
  • They will switch back to you your questions about their faults into questioning you your credibility of the instances of your mistakes.
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